lemmebleed

masochism is my disease the self-inflicting torture that consumes my every thought and in its presents makes life seem so right makes everything so much clearer nobody would understand they think my life is perfect but they dont really know whats going on in my head the feeling of unwantedness the knowledge of being alone nobody wanting me around my life just a waste of time why doesnt everyone see that? theres nothing wrong with me this pain is what i live for thats all thats left for me softly the blade rips through my already scared flesh now comes the relief and my disease takes over masochism is my disease

i dont know much of anything anymore except for the pain i feel inside the insane thoughts, running through my head of death and the intensity of the self-inflicting wisdom that i place upon  my flesh to gain the knowledge and the clarity of thought to understand the meaning of life or possibly the lack there of....

i know its wrong pain isnt suppost to feel this good but i enjoy it watching my blood running down my arm feeling the warmth of my pain being released its addicting the kind of pain that you want to keep the kind of pain that you like to continuiosly inflict it dominates my life my every thought my every dream and nightmare have you ever felt that kind of pain? the intensity of its over welming power how you feel laying in the dark not able to move paralized your mind completely clear hte pain running through your body like the antidote for life...

i wish i could say its nice to see you back again were not exactly strangers but were not exactly friends you know youre not invited but you keep on comin round the last thing i need from you is to be kicked while im down so hello, ive been expecting you come on in and wear your welcome out just like you always do you never say if your here to stay or if your only passing through so hello, ive been expecting you

i have no more tears i have no one else to love ive run out of places to hide for this world is so dark so full of pain all the love ive given i found was in vain i want nor hold any reason to live each breath i inhale invites death to come in with the siccors and knives all about my skinmy regret comes out and warms my cold dead flesh its like paradise in hell the cold in my heart i want to kill it get it out of my soul i want it all gone its eating me whole

i am... constantly inconstant; normally strange; cheerfully morbid; ingeniously smart; quietly loud; harmlessly dangerous; deeply shallow; simply confusing; spastically calm; call me crazy...

Balanced in a kodak moment of perfection Where the entire universe took standstill As together, we only became more alive I wondered if you knew just how much I love you We poised so close in each others arms That I could feel your strength beat rapidly Against my tired excuse for a heart Whilst the pulse from your fingertips Whispered lullabies to the base of my spine I remember listening to your secrets As you breathed them so softly to my ear For the first time I felt a little less than worthless While you watched the stars reflect into my eyes And dance just as a candle flame may have done The rain fell upon our skin almost

I am not going to be your paradigm, I am not going to feed your conformity, I am a deviant to the world, and an artist to the beholder... There is no fucking way will I bow down to you, The king and queen of abominations, You say I'm the embarrassment, You think I'm the one that needs to change... Well I don't need to change, You just have to learn accept that not everything is "uniform", Not everything is black and white, Not everything is right and wrong. It's not a game that I wish to gamble, It is not a life I wish to live, Take away individuality, And you take the very essence of soul. Take my life, Take my breathe,

Well people live, And then they die. Sometimes they laugh, Sometimes they cry. Some like to live, Some wish to die. Forgive and forget, Stare at the sky. Look in her eyes, Aren't they pretty? They tell lies, Leave you no pity. Leave you to cry, Wanting to die, Forgive and forget, To live and regret, Go on and stay sober. Go on but it's over. Well people live, And time goes by. Sometimes a laugh, Sounds like a cry. And though they're alive, They wish to die…

i have something to say if youre willing to listen so come over here ill say it softly in your ear it has something to do with you, me, and love and all the things previously stated above and your love fell straight down from the skies like rain drops the tears fell from my eyes a rainstorm that caught me by surprise you caught me by surprise i know youre not ready for all that i feel but i have to say this now cuz this wound needs to heal your words cut real deep when you decided to leave but what hurt more than that was when you let go of me and your love fell straight down from the skies like rain drops the tears fell

The music crashes softly in the background; I love you, I hate you. I hate you because I love you and it makes me need you like you don't care. I need another hit but it tastes stale and useless Like my life. And while I sit back and puff on my life I remember the night you left me here. Back then, running down the street calling your name, I didn't give up so easily. And as you came back to hold me, I knew you were mine. Now on my last day to be with you, you don't care enough, just like then. But do I really have a right to blame you? Three hours to get to your house calling you endless times with all the money on me, just

The only thing that can help, the only one who makes me happy, you're the only one. And I'm sorry because The only thing I break, the only one I hurt, You're the only one I take for granade. I fall to my knees, only to beg your forgivness. Only to plead my case; You are there for it all - holding me while I cry, comforting me when I don't feel safe, assuring me everything will be alright. I send you this, my appologizes, from my cold, empty room asking or begging, if I must, for another chance. You deserve more than I can give you but give me another chance. Hold me. Comfort me. I'm sorry. . .      that I love you.